We were in Cornwall at the weekend teaching a retreat. As we were traveling down by train and it's a long journey, I treated myself to a horsey magazine to read. At the back of it were the usual advertisements for horses, insurance, property and suchlike. Our attention was grabbed by a property for sale with stables and 12 acres of land, about 50 miles from Cardiff and at a price we could probably afford. We started to talk about 'what if . . .' and fantasising about moving out into the countryside. We have had several days of 'new life lust'!
Perhaps we will do it one day - who knows - but until then I am trying to remind myself that change is new and exciting, but also has its drawbacks. A new environment could be a lot of fun, but it would not be 'the answer'. We would not 'live happily ever after'. It is a certainty that other disadvantages would emerge along with the advantages - this is the nature of our relationship with our lives. We yearn for something new and different and fail to live in the present moment appreciating what we have. The present moment is always actually perfect. Our present situation is always actually perfect.
I would love to have the horses living on my own land, right next to my home, rather than five miles away. I would love to be able to have them at pasture 24 hours a day through the summer, and most of the time in the winter. I would love to try Dee barefoot again, but where I could keep a close watch on her and have control of putting boots on her for any walking on hard ground. I would love to be able to stroll through my own land and sit by my own stream . . .
But in fact I can sit in our large and beautiful garden that is almost like our own little area of countryside, and I can feel such pleasure in the things I love about our home. We have lived in this house for 20 years and have poured so much of ourselves into it. The largest bedroom is decorated as a Tibetan gompa and ornamented with thangkas (paintings on cloth). Many retreats have been held here and Lamas have visited. Our students have helped us build a retreat hut in the garden. There are several rooms in the house where I have painted murals, and we only recently finished these windows. It would be hard to leave all this behind.
Dee walked quietly beside me down to her field tonight. She is so clearly content and relaxed at this livery yard and I'm sure having our own land could offer her little more - and perhaps less. Life is good.