Decisions

The decision has been reached and arrangements made to implement it. I don't know whether it is the best decision or the right decision, but it will leave us still owning both horses and able to cope with their expense and their care. Dee is going to an equine retirement home where she can live out the rest of her days in peaceful and beautiful countryside; Red is staying at Wyndham but on part livery which will be a lot less time and work for me. Hopefully I can start enjoying riding again rather than using up all my time and energy simple managing the food and waste production line.

I am in danger of slipping into eternalism over the numerous convenient coincidences that have arisen around the decision to retire Dee to a place called Gorgeous Grazing in Cornwall. Eternalism is one of the four philosophical extremes that are denied by Buddhism. These four are eternalism, nihilism, monism and dualism. Eternalism maintains that all circumstances unfold according to an unchangeable plan or design, denying the emptiness of the possibility of change or chance. Nihilism maintains that all actions are empty of meaningful value. Monism distorts non-duality by asserting that ‘everything is one;’ in denial of apparent distinctions and compassionate connections. Dualism denies non-duality by declaring that emptiness and form are divided.

The young woman who has the two stables next to ours lives in Cornwall but is in Cardiff at university. She has her horses with her term time and takes them home for holidays. Her home in Cornwall is very close to Gorgeous Grazing. She is going home for Christmas on Monday and taking her two horses in her truck that holds three horses, and is happy to give us a ride. Extraordinary. To be eternalist about these coincidences would be to say: "It is meant to be." I'm just going to enjoy my good fortune and feel happy that I can also help a student by paying her diesel for the trip home.

What do I feel about all this? I'm relieved that things are decided. I am sad that I shall be losing my close daily contact with Dee. I am glad that I shall be able to ride more and work less. I am relieved that I shall have time to work on important projects again. I'm also pretty confused about what I feel and anxious about how things will be for Dee. I shall be staying in Cornwall with her for a few days to see that she is settling down well.

The photograph demonstrates quite how close to the motorway the horses are in this field. This is the mares' field at the moment and Dee doesn't like it very much. She gets quite upset if she has to be there on her own, whereas she was never concerned about being on her own for a while in the field she was in before. Over the past year they have been widening this stretch of the motorway. They have planted trees all along the edge, so it will be better when the trees mature.